Shingeki no Clueless
by Whitetiger624
Summary: Eren and Mikasa are best friends. They are popular, rich, and charming. One day, they spot a new boy at school, Armin, and decide to give him a makeover. They are very successful, but Eren realizes that he needs a makeover himself in a spiritual way. With this makeover, he learns about caring for others, going through pain, and love. Rated T to be safe.


~Chapter 1- Oh, Als Ob!~

A/N: So before I start the story, I just want to say a few things. First, this is an AU where the plot of the story follows the plot of the movie "Clueless". Second, Eren is the main character and Mikasa isn't his sister, they're just close friends. Third, Annie is Eren's ex-stepsister. Finally, this is meant to be read as a parody. I don't intend to make fun of the anime or movie.

Disclaimer: I don't own Attack on Titan or Clueless

Looking around the town of Maria, one could see the many teenagers wandering about. They could be driving around with their friends or shopping the day away at the mall. They may be going crazy at a party or hanging out by the pool. or they could be getting drinks at the nearest diner. There is one thing similar about all these teenagers. They're having fun. Whether it be on their own or with friends.

_'Okay, you must be thinking "Is this a Noxzema commercial or what?" But seriously, I have a pretty normal life as a teenage guy.'_ A 15 year old Eren Yaeger walks away from his mirror, where he was fixing his bedhead, and to his computer. 'I wake up, get out of bed, brush my teeth, and pick out my clothes for the day.' He shook the mouse a little, waking the computer up. The screen changed from black to an arrangement of different shirts and pants. He clicked a button on the screen that said Random and a shirt and pair of pants popped up. He clicked another button that said Dress Me and the words MIS-MATCH! appeared on the screen in big bold lettering.

He continued this pattern for a minute or two until a matching pair of clothes popped up on screen. He walked to his closet and started to get dressed. _'Dad's a surgeon. Those are the scariest and bossiest types of doctors. He's such a good surgeon, he gets $500 an hour to fight with and yell at people. He fights with me for free 'cause I'm his son.'_ Eren walked into the kitchen and poured a glass of orange juice. His father, Grisha Yaeger, walked in soon after. "Hey dad!" Eren said with a smile, turning to his father.

"Eren, don't start with the juice again." His father replied, walking past him. "Dad, you need your Vitamin C." Eren ushered the glass to his father. "Where's my briefcase?" Grisha ignored his son and started searching for said briefcase. "Hey, it's been a couple months now. How about we go to Sina?" Eren asked, changing the subject. "Don't tell me those lowlifes have been calling again." Grisha took his keys and started heading for the door. "They_ are_ your parents." Eren replied. "Don't try sneaking out of the office, Dr. Lovett is coming to give you your flu shot." "By the way, Annie is in town and she's coming over for dinner." "Why?!" Eren asked with annoyance in his voice, still holding the glass. "She's your stepsister!" "You were hardly married to her mother and that was 5 years ago. Why do I have to see Annie?" "You divorce wives, not children."

"Here." Eren motioned the glass to Grisha again. "Forget it!" Grisha headed for the door and left. After Eren finished getting himself ready for school he headed out the door and to his car. _'Did I show you the tricked out Jeep Dad got me? It's got four-wheel drive, dual side airbags, and a monster sound system! I don't have my license yet, but I do have my permit. Besides, I need something to learn on._' As Eren started to drive he drove into a flower pot, but kept on driving. _'Woah! That came out of nowhere!'_ He continued to drive until he stopped in front of a house.

_'Here's where Mikasa lives. She's my friend because we both know how it feels to be humanity's greatest asset- or at least the school's'_ Said girl walked out of her house and into the passenger seat of Eren's car with a quick, "Hi." 'And I must give her snaps for her to wear the same scarf everyday.' Eren replied with a "Hey." and drove off. "So?" Mikasa turned to Eren to ask about her outfit. "I see you're still wearing that scarf." "At least I don't need a computer to decide what I wear everyday." Eren rolled his eyes as he turned a corner, not stopping at the stop sign. "Hello! You passed a stop sign." Mikasa said. "I totally paused." Eren replied cooly. Now it was Mikasa's turn to roll her eyes. "Yeah. Okay."

Soon, the two had made it to their school, Maria High. After Eren parked his car, the two friends started to walk to the doors. As they walked, kids bustled about, either heading for their classes or just fooling around. Then, Mikasa's phone beeped. She looked at her phone to see who it was. "It's not even 8:30, and Jean is paging me." She said, a little annoyed. "He is so possessive." Eren said. "You got that right. This weekend he called me and was all 'Where were you today?'..." 'Mikasa and her boyfriend Jean are in this crazy and dramatic relationship. I don't know how, but she always finds a way to criticize something he did. Now I have to say to her...'

"Mika, why do you put up with it? I bet you could do better." "I know, I know but- Oh look here he comes." Mikasa nodded her head forward to a boy walking towards herself and Eren. He had the typical gold chain necklace, backwards cap, and pants sagging so that half his butt was exposed. Well, it would be if it wasn't for his underwear. He stopped in front of Mikasa. "Woman, why haven't you been answering any of my pages?" "I hate when you call me woman." Mikasa replied. "Where have you been all weekend? You jeepin' (cheating) behind my back?" Some of Jean's friends had started to form a crowd behind him. "Jeepin'?!" Mikasa asked a bit shocked. Jean nodded his head. "No! But speaking of vehicular sex, perhaps you could explain how this hair extension got into the back seat of your car."

Jean's eyes widen a little as Mikasa pulled a hair extension out of her purse. As the crowd started to grow, multiple "Oh's" could be heard. "I don't know where that came from. That looks like one of your stringy thing-a-ma-bobs, you wear in your hair." Jean replied trying to keep his cool. "You know I don't wear hair extensions!" Mikasa hit Jean with the extension and he flinched a bit. Eren could tell that the situation was starting to heat up and decided to leave. "See ya Mika." He said as he started to walk through the crowd. Mikasa smiled at Eren with a "Bye~." before turning back to Jean with a serious look. "That's it. I've had it with you." Now Jean was getting annoyed. "Is it that time of the month again?" He asked, clearly wanting his girlfriend to stop yapping. The crowd gasped as Mikasa's eyes widened.

_'I don't know why Mikasa's going out with a high schooler. To be honest, most of them are like animals. Some guys, like dogs, have to be cleaned, fed, taken care of. Some girls, like cats, wouldn't even bother to show you affection, they'd rather have your money. They're like nervous creatures that jump and shed all over you.'_ A girl walked up to Eren to try and get his attention. Before she could say anything, Eren pushed her away. "Oh, als ob!" (Oh, as if in German)

A/N: And there you have it! Chapter 1 of SnC. I hoped you enjoyed reading it as much as I did typing it. As much as I wrote here, I'm only about 4 minutes into the movie. So that should say about how many chapters this will take. Feel free to leave a comment saying what you thought about the chapter. Should the chapters be longer than this, shorter, or stay the same?

Helpful note: Whenever lines in the story are written in single quotations (like this: _'...'_) it's either Eren's thoughts or narration.

Don't forget to comment, favorite, and follow!

~Whitetiger624


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